The Power of Calming Yourself First

As moms, we can quickly find ourselves met with big emotions, sensory overload, and unpredictable moments. When those moments hit, our first instinct is usually to fix it and fix it fast. Stop the meltdown. Correct the behavior. Get things back under control.

But what if it’s not really about controlling the situation? What if it starts with calming ourselves first?

Kids Feel Everything

When our children are overwhelmed, they’re not just reacting to what’s happening around them they’re also responding to the emotional environment in the room. Kids, especially autistic kiddos, pick up on energy way more than we realize. They might not process everything we’re saying in the heat of the moment, but they feel everything: our tone, our tension, the stress in the room.

I’ve seen it play out so many times with my son. If someone is feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or tense, he picks up on it almost instantly like he has a built-in radar. His body reacts before the words even land. There have been moments when I didn’t realize how stressed I was until I saw it reflected back in him, his emotions getting bigger, his reactions stronger. That realization was both humbling and empowering. While I can’t control every situation or prevent every meltdown, I can become more aware of what I’m bringing into the moment.

When we walk into a moment already stressed or rushed even if we’re trying our best it can add more to a child who’s already overwhelmed. Imagine experiencing that without the filters or coping skills most adults have. For many of our sensitive kiddos, their nervous systems absorb everything: tone of voice, body language, pacing, even the unspoken stress we carry. So when their reactions get bigger, sometimes it’s not just about the moment in front of us it’s about everything they’re sensing underneath it.

Tiny Shifts That Make a Big Difference

This isn’t about being perfectly calm all the time, that’s not realistic. It’s about noticing. Pausing long enough to check in: “Where am I right now? What am I carrying into this interaction?” Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do isn’t finding the perfect words-it’s softening our tone, slowing our breath, and grounding ourselves. When we regulate, we give our children something steady to connect to. We become the calm in the storm-not by forcing it, but by practicing it, little by little.

• Take one deep breath before you respond instead of reacting right away.• Lower your voice instead of raising it.• Get down on their level, or simply pause and say, “Give me a moment.”

Those tiny shifts don’t seem like much but to a child who’s overwhelmed, they can feel like everything.

A Faith-Centered Anchor

If you’re a faith-centered mama like me, there’s a verse I come back to over and over:

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”  James 1:19

It’s not telling us to ignore what we’re feeling. It’s reminding us to slow down inside the moment and pause before we react, to listen not just to our child but to what’s really going on underneath the behavior. That little bit of space is where patience and grace can show up. Some days that space is simply a quiet prayer: “Lord, help me respond with love right now.” And that’s enough.

Self-regulation isn’t about getting it right every time. It’s about practicing awareness and giving ourselves the same patience and grace we’re trying to give our kids. When we do that, we’re not just helping them calm down in the moment, but we’re teaching them how to do it for a lifetime.

You’re doing better than you think. One breath, one pause, one repair at a time.

Stay Amazing,

Nicki